Well, so every time I feel confused or upset, I go here and write something. I feel relief when I read posts from Thoughtcatalog. There are two main things bother me at the moment: I am too easy to some people and I can’t trust anyone around here.
Why I am too easy to them? As a single person for so long, I need a boyfriend at some points. I met and hang out with a few guys at school but it doesn’t work out at all because I know it’s not what I need, I need a true boyfriend. Sometimes, I ask myself “Hey my future boyfriend, where are you, why it takes so long for us to meet?”. I’m thankful that I have a guy friend who I can tell everything. It’s good point he told me that if I’m too hurried, I can’t get what I want. Then, I should be happy with my current status. Period.
Second thing, I can’t trust anyone around here. Actually, it’s me who is selfish and unreasonable, at some point. But, when I disagree with you something, there is no need that you don’t even look at my face, because I have my right to disagree anything I don’t think it’s reasonable. And then…when someone make me angry, I keep thinking about other friends. I know everyone has good and bad sides, but now, I wonder why my friends are so “ugly” in different ways. That’s really mean of me to think like that. I’d rather not communicate with anyone, but I don’t want to feel lonely. Also, person who is master of communication is the one who can talk to anyone and know how to adjust her feeling. I will do that, I will ignore that you don’t even want to look at my face ( I guess you hate me now, a lot), and if you don’t even try to give me a glance, it’s your fault. I will try to be a decent person. I can’t trust anyone around here, but I keep thinking out loud all the time, I need someone to talk to. It’s true. But I have to learn say what I should say to the right person. It’s actually hard.
I actually have more things to worry: how I’m gonna finish all the plan I set, how my summer turns out, why my friend doesn’t let me sleep at her place, can I save enough money for textbook next year, how to flatten my belly…Many concerns. Anyway, writing it down makes me feel so much better. Now I have to decide what homework I’m gonna do…